Oh man.

Today I am basking in the Lord. I can't even say which aspect of His character because I am merely stunned and in awe.

I started 31 Days of Praise: Enjoying God Anew by Ruth Meyers today and I am simply blown away. I am praying for consistency to keep up with this wonderful book because I know that it will change my mentality. A change in my mentality will effect my everyday life in my choices, thoughts, relationships, and it will keep the focus OFF of me.

My songs of praise today that I chose (and which very well may be my favorite songs of all times) are Come Thou Fount, and Jesus, I My Cross Have Taken. Incredible words to soak in.

Each day of praise gives you two groupings of verses, the first I am choosing to read in the morning and the second before I go to bed. Two of the verses given were Psalm 91:1-2. (Moses's prayers)

           Those who live in the shelter of the Most High will find rest in the shadow of the Almighty.

           This I declare about the Lord: He alone is my refuge, my place of safety;

           He is my God, and I trust Him.

(emphasis by me)

I choked and stumbled a little bit as I read this aloud.. Moses declared this about God in his life, that God alone was his refuge and place of safety. (Where am I finding my refuge and safety?) He didn't ask God for it to be that way, he didn't want it to be that way, he stated it. That seems more powerful to me because it signifies an incredible amount of faith. Also, you see that last part where Moses says, "He is my God, and I trust Him."? I choked while saying that. If the Almighty is my God, why do I feel dishonest in saying for myself that I trust Him? DO I trust Him?? I feel dishonest because I don't feel like my life reflects that very well. My goal now is to find out what I am not trusting the Almighty with. Right now in my life its tricky, I don't feel blatant in disobedience, a lack of trust, nothing huge, you know? So I'm trying to sift through my life and find the sneaky unChristlike characteristics.

And I leave with this, my heart's meditation for the day.
"How precious is Your love to me, O God! I sing for joy as I take refuge in the shadow of Your wings!"

What I've been thinking..

The sermon yesterday was on surrendering to God.

Mark 8:34-35

"If any of you wants to be my follower, you must turn from your selfish ways, take up your cross, and follow me. If you try to hang on to your life, you will lose it. But if you give up your life for my sake and for the sake of the Good News, you will save it."

All my life that has just sounded like a good idea, but it never really sunk in, I never really understood it. It wasn't a call to be miserable, and I guess that's what I had missed before.. Christ is calling us to deny ourselves, which is the complete opposite of what the world says. When we pick our way over God's way, we lose the life God intends for us. Did you catch that part about when we try to hang on to our lives we will lose it? We will lose our intended lives! How saddening is that?? Daily I make the choice to do what I want, with small exceptions, but still the same as a majority of the world. But that means that daily I am missing out on part of the best God has for me each day. Because only with Christ can I have joy despite my circumstances!

It is impossible to half surrender.. So if this is a daily choice, that actually could and should sometimes be a moment by moment choice....What am I trying to hold onto?

That's a rough question to ask, but the first thing that popped into my head was MY WILL. My own, very limited and selfish will, that's what carries me from day to day. The desire to please and serve and satisfy myself. How sad!

So I asked God to break my will. I actually truly want Him to crumble it. I know He won't abuse that and humiliate me, because He has the best in store for me. But it still is hard, scary really. How am I supposed to know what He's going to do, or call me to? I don't. And I asked for the hard things. I asked for opportunities to have my will broken, tough circumstances thrown my way, sharing and serving opportunities, ANYTHING that causes me to be unselfish.

You know what's funny about that? Last time I remember doing a small semblance of this, I had a crappy day. Like a really crappy day and I responded like a spoiled rotten child. Angry, upset, jaded, pouty, and then humiliated when I remembered what I had asked the Lord to do and I shuttered at my response.

So keep me honest, friends! Its obviously a constant battle, so I need to be on my guard and kept accountable.

Makin the move

So I'm moving to blogspot from Tumblr because this site is more blog friendly :) I had a tumblr for awhile in hopes of writing without it being mega publicized, just keepin it simple, but now I'm moving to the big-kid blog in hopes of encouraging and being encouraged! Come share with me on my search for balance and I would love to share in yours!

This morning I wrote on my Tumblr so I'm going to repost it here. :)